Squinted Eyes at Dawn's Arrival

Whatever it was, it finally clicked into place. I see it, now - still a little murky, but clearer than it has been in months.

A name and a concept came to me for what I want to do. It will certainly generate a tremendous amount of work, on top of everything else I'm trying to manage at the moment. Will it be foolish to plan for the future when I can't even get a grip on the present? This is one of the pitfalls of Productionkips, so dare I sully the start of this long-awaited new idea with what was considered a mistake of the past, or was it only a mistake because of how I did it?

Regardless of these reservations, I've scrambled to snatch up digital claims - names, domains, free services - left and right without even knowing if it will be used. This will buy me time to catch up further and plan things out properly this time.

I've gotten excited about this idea and I began to run with it this evening, planning out articles and features and making names for things, as if I had had time to survey the pieces and was now starting to piece together a very large puzzle. Now I pause and wonder, is this where I want to build the puzzle? Is this even a puzzle I WANT to build??

I look around me and things are quite similar to a month ago...piles of lists and mess and filth that I have yet to attend to, and not just physically in my apartment. I'm still rebuilding my Minecraft server and have much work to do, yet I've become sidetracked with this whim of a future project. A quick mental check as to why I was so easily distracted confirms my suspicions - I crave success like a fish craves water. I hunger for fame like a starving man food. Even the thought of feeling that I've accomplished SOMETHING that the whole world can see makes me salivate and fidget anxiously.

Perhaps I bear morally poisoned traits to feel the way I do, but if that's the driving force needed to feel accomplished in this regard, then I guess I'm just a corrupt person. I will find a way to make all of this come together at some point, I just hope that I have the proper mindset to make this a reality with this next attempt. Impatient? Absolutely, but should I find success, then I shall ask forgiveness for my haste. Otherwise, failure will be a fitting punishment.

Regardless what becomes this glimmer of a resurrection, I hope that I continue with this blog to remember what it's taught me and helped me to realize, as well as chronicle my learning.