Paradigm Shift

I'll admit it, I'm growing increasingly anxious with each day that I feel my work doesn't exist. The site's still up, yet in my mind it's been shut down and forgotten by it's fans. I want there to be something out there, but not for the right reasons.

I think I had begun to use my site as a means of self-valuation. I wanted to feel like I had accomplished something, like I was valuable or had something unique that would distinguish me from other people. It became drastically more of a problem when I did so without any regard to what I was producing, if anything. It's like a dismissed and disgraced commander stumbling about, drunk and belligerent, bragging to all who would lend ear about the forces he once led.

The thing I've wanted so much recently, more than a break or inspiration or anything else that may be productive, is a name. For some reason, I'm desperately driven to assign some kind of a name to this entire project before I'll work on it. Now, this is a terrible thing to do in general, as it's drastically limiting and, since I don't have a clear vision of where I'd like to take things, possibly a poor (if not highly inappropriate) fit for what the project may become.

Mulling over all of these thoughts, this evening, I've come to a mildly bitter realization. I have a real chance to shift into whatever focus I choose, even if it's drastically different from my original direction. This is quite similar to what I've gone through career-wise recently, much to my mutual joy and dismay for both occurrences. While the opportunity is enormous, a complete paradigm shift is extremely taxing and exceedingly easy to rush.

At least, I know that I will not be at rest mentally until I revive this project. I worried that my work would disappear and mean nothing to anyone besides myself, but it seems that in the ashes of my old work, a new project will slowly work it's way into the light, one way or another.